Monday, 24 February 2014

Getting personal!

So this is a little more personal then I've ever gotten online and in real life probably. I actually don't even know if I will post this, so if I do be kind! This post isn't completely random and does tie in with the sunshine blogger button - writing a positive post about something you've done or experienced or anything positive really. 

I'm writing this because I'm actually pretty proud and impressed with myself and also as a way to get some things of my chest. I have no structure so basically I'm just rambling, I'm a rambler. You may or may not have seen my post about going to the inlovewithfashion's LFA event, where I went to London and attended an event on my own (well with my pals) and if you know me you'll probably realise thats a pretty big and unusual thing for me to do! 

I've never been the most confident girl, I'm awkward, hate crowds, don't like to be centre of attention and I'm terrible at meeting New people; I  just can't talk to people I don't know. Anyway last year, i suppose it started when I left school, any time I was asked to go out whether it was just to hang out with my friend/s or days out anything that was away from the comfort of my home and routine, I'd get this horrible feeling and would cancel last minute. 

I don't know how to explain the feeling, except that I felt something horrible was going to happen, I was feeling sick and a little shaky. Usually when I was there I was fine and really enjoyed myself, it always the build up. Except there was the odd time when It affected me while I was there, like when I went to a Mcfly concert, it got to a certain point where I felt I couldn't be in the middle of the crowd, got teary and had to look for the exit to reassure myself that I knew I could get to it, I managed to stick it out because it was towards the end and I was fine as soon as I was out. I did go to speak to a doctor but she really wasn't any help and basically told me it was because I was a teenager. Charming. I didn't want to put a name on it because honestly I have no idea what it was/is and it was anything like a panic attack. 

Now we got the background info out of the way. One of my new year goals was not to let myself get in the way of what could be amazing opportunities, so when I had the chance to attend the LFA event, I said yes! I went to London via train, got the tube, strolled the streets, then went to an event where loads of strangers were and had to socialise, my idea of hell basically! But I had a great day, everyone was so kind and I was fine, what was there to worry about?! Maybe if I didn't have the moral support of my friends I probably wouldn't have gone at all. But I did and I would do it again!

Anyway the reason for  writing this was because I didn't think I would ever be able to do it and I'm proud of myself! Also if you stayed to the end to read this then have virtual gold star I know it was long!

Courtney x


  1. can i please have a gold star? i got a bit emotional reading this!

  2. Go you! I don't even know you and i'm proud of you! Thanks for the gold star btw, i'll pop it on my pin board. Gail x

    1. Aww thank you so much, means a lot! :)x

  3. I defiantly get the same nerves and sick feeling when I'm going out and meeting people (even if I already know them) and its gotten much worse since I left school and don't go out every day so your defiantly not alone! Gisforgingers xx