Friday, 3 March 2017

Has blogging left me behind?

I’ve been blogging on and off for about 5 years now, I started in my second year of college on a course I hated. I started blogging so I could share and see how my personal style changed over the years and eventually it evolved into a mix of a bit of everything.  I stand by that I started and still do blog for fun, I wasn’t going to get caught up in the number game or compare myself to the other blogs that I follow.  Blogging isn’t “supposed” to be about the numbers but it is disheartening to see the bloggers around you numbers shooting up, which they of course deserved, while your numbers still stay the same.  

I’ve blogged all this time because I’ve enjoyed it. I’ve found there’s something therapeutic about writing my thoughts and feelings down about a subject I’m passionate about or writing about my latest outfit of the day. I’d finally found something that I stuck to and was motivated to be doing.  

But the last year or two I’ve found blogging becoming more of a chore. I’ve got full blog posts written down somewhere, one that I’m passionate about and yet they’ve never seem to get past the drafting stage. It’s always “I’ll get round to it” or it’s on my to do list and never ends up being crossed off.

I’ve never been much of a writer, my thoughts are all over the place and I write up my content like I talk in my head. I was always in the middle in my English class at school, I wasn’t terrible but I never excelled at it either. But now I enjoy writing, whether it’s a small poem I thought while trying to sleep, that I needed to jot down on my phones notes or my thoughts on an article I’d just read, scribbled down on a spare piece of paper I have floating about. But it’s not something I want to do professionally

I’ve always found that blogging was the best format for me to express myself. My only little piece of the internet to share what I felt. It was pressure free from being perfect and if it felt too personal I didn’t have to click that publish button.

I think I’ve fallen out of love with blogging but I’m not ready to let go just yet.  

I think it's the stuff that comes alongside blogging. The bits you do when it becomes serious. The endless promotion, the scheduling tweets and collaborating with all your other social media sites. I don’t know about HTML or have the skills or money to have an incredible blog theme or header. I still haven’t got my head around my stats and engagement no matter how many tips and tricks post I’ve read. I haven’t got a clue about working with brands or PR companies. I’ve not yet figured out how to get that perfect photo, without a personal photographer. I try and it never looks good enough. The pressure of wanting to buy things to blog about or to make my photos look better or wanting the best brand of camera, even though other bloggers are claiming they’re taking their photos on an iPhone.

I used to want to know. I used to beat myself up because I still wasn’t getting the hang of it. Wondering why it just wasn’t working for me. Blogging was becoming toxic.
I don’t think I’m cut out for that serious blogging malarkey and I certainly don’t want the “fame” or judgement from strangers. I felt a pressure that may or may not be there, to keep up with those around me.

When I started blogging wasn’t about the perfect photo or fantastic writing. It was messy, creative and fun. It wasn’t about the perfect flat lay or street fashion photography. You could get away with using a wall in your house or garden for an OOTD, just because you wanted to share an outfit you were loving at that moment.

And yet I don’t want to be done with blogging, I feel I have more to share. Things that may interest others. But I thinking blogging has moved on without me.
Courtney xo